I think about finding that elusive balance between the past and the future.
Lean back, and I find myself swamped in what has already happened. Regret, remorse, guilt, sorrow, grief —whatever the emotional residue may be. I go there again and again, even though going there changes nothing.
When I lean forward, into the future, I am also off-balance. Hope, fear, excitement, anxiety, grasping —I go there too. I go there again and again, even though going there also changes nothing. I cannot control the future any more than I can change the past.